Weekend (and beyond) weather update from Monsoon
It was 15 degrees when I made my way in to school this morning, and later today the temperature will get up to a balmy 33.
It’s damned cold.
For the past week or so, I’ve been tracking the potential for a Nor’easter in our area this weekend. Here are my thoughts on this weekend’s weather and beyond…
Friday 12/17: Partly cloudy and breezy; less frigid. High 36, low 23.
Saturday 12/18: Partly cloudy initially; becoming overcast. There is the chance of snow late Saturday night into Sunday as a Nor’easter chugs up the eastern seaboard, but right now my call is no snow. It looks like the system will drift out to sea so that precipitation will only graze Virginia and Maryland.
Sunday 12/19: Mostly cloudy and breezy with the aforementioned tiny chance of snow (but as noted above, my call right now is no snow). High 34, low 23.
[I will send out another update if my thinking changes on the weekend event...]
Monday 12/20: Partly cloudy, windy and colder. High 31, low 18.
Tuesday 12/21: Clouds mixed with sunshine; a chance of snow showers late. High 36, low 25.
Wednesday 12/22: Generally overcast and quite windy, with sustained winds above 20mph and strong gusts. High 35, low 26.
Thursday 12/23: Partly cloudy and still somewhat windy. High 39, low 24.
Friday 12/24: Increasing clouds with flurries or snow showers possible late. High 39, low 25.
Saturday 12/25: Sunny and clear; a bit milder. High 44, low 33.
Sunday 12/26: Sunny and clear; unseasonably mild. High 46, low 36.
Beyond: Highs in the upper 30s and low 40s through the beginning of January; no real chance of wintry precipitation.
As always, stay tuned…and have a Very Merry Hoffmas!
Monsoon's Forecast (and "Hasselhoffs" postmortem) for 10 December 2010
First, let me get this out of the way: I have just been informed that “The Hasselhoffs” has been pulled by A&E (they haven’t used the word “cancelled,” but really, that’s what is happening). Thanks go to Sue Fineman for ruining my damn day.
The first two half-hour episodes aired Sunday 12/5 to apparently disappointing ratings (718,000 for the first episode; 505,000 for the second one), so A&E has no plans to air the remaining 10 episodes that were produced this past spring and summer. I cannot deny that the show was a putrid mélange of show-biz clichés, ham-fisted reality-show scripting, and was made almost unwatchable by Hasselhoff’s two screeching, shiftless daughters, Hay and Tay. But there was potential in this show, if only because of its title subject. I mean, this is David Friggin’ Hasselhoff, folks. You know what? I can no more.
But despite this programming travesty, this capricious and hair-trigger decision on the part of shortsighted A&E execs, the weather goes on.
The next two weeks or so should be interesting: fluctuating temperatures, high winds, rain, ice, and snow. Here are the details…
Weather narrative: A nice-sized storm this Sunday will give us nearly all rain (and few, if any, travel woes), despite some models that were suggesting our first measurable snow earlier this week. Rolling in behind the moisture will be the coldest temperatures of the season so far (and really, winter hasn’t even begun). We won’t see freezing (looking up from below) until Thursday or maybe even Friday.
Next good chance of frozen precipitation is Sunday 12/19 into Monday 12/20; stay tuned. Look for a bit of moderation thereafter.
Beyond the forecast: More of the same here, with highs in the low 40s and lows around freezing. Precipitation is possible for 12/25 into 12/26, but I think it would be in the form of rain…
Monsoon's Update: Heavy Rain Tuesday to Wednesday; Hunkelhoff's Show to Debut...
Hey all,
Just wanted to alert you to some heavy rain coming to our area.
Tuesday 11/30 will be overcast with the high climbing to the low 50s by mid-afternoon. Expect some drizzle and showers by late morning, followed by steadier rain developing in the early evening and night.
Temperatures will be nearly steady overnight into Wednesday, when rain could be heavy at times. Look for the heaviest precipitation throughout the morning and early afternoon Wednesday. It's going to be really windy, too. And we could even get a heavy thunderstorm or two--rare for 12/1 to say the least. Flood watches have been posted since we could get as much as 2.5 inches (perhaps more) in some places. This event will taper to showers and drizzle by early evening; temperatures will fall precipitously through the night.
Thursday will be much cooler and breezy with a high in the low 40s and an overnight low in the mid 20s. More of the same on Friday and Saturday.
Keeping an eye on a potential for snow on Sunday 12/5, but that's sketchy right now.
[On 12/5 at 10pm, A&E's new reality series "The Hasselhoffs" will debut. I will be live blogging during the show, so be sure to join me here for feverish chatter and breathless Hoff-worship!]
...and by the way, here's footage of The Hoff's triumphant "Baywatch"-themed return to "Dancing With the Stars" for the finale...
Next week will be quite cold with highs not even making it out of the 30s. Snow on the 12th or 13th? Stay tuned...
Weekend Update / DWTS Post-Mortem
Let’s get this out of the way: Prince David of Hoffston was the very first participant voted off “Dancing with the Stars” earlier this week. Bad because I would have liked to see him exhibit some more of his stilted gyrations and manic facial expressions—and I think the world is poorer for his going.
Silver linings: the real ballyhoo begins in December with the premiere of his A&E reality show. And his early departure means I never longer have to watch the putrid DWTS again…
Anywho. The weather – it’s a season of change, so I thought I’d give you my latest thinking…
Friday 9/24: sunny to partly cloudy and continued unseasonably hot; somewhat humid. High 93, low 66.
Saturday 9/25: sunny, breezy and pleasant. High 82, low 53.
Sunday 9/26: cooler with periods of clouds and a few passing showers, but not nearly a washout. High 73, low 55.
Next week: rather rainy. Rain Monday, showers and thunderstorms Tuesday, showers on Wednesday. High all three days will be in the mid 70s. Clearing and seasonably cooler on Thursday and Friday with highs just in the upper 60s.
Next weekend: Saturday looks nice; Sunday looks rainy.
Monsoon's Weather Forecast and Hassel-chat
My good people,
Before I get to the weather, allow me to indulge in a bit of brief Hoff-related chitchat. In point of fact, David Hasselhoff is poised to make a powerful statement about his versatility, his star quality, his ichweissnicht (je ne sais quoi, auf Deutsch) in the coming months.
Just under two weeks ago, The Hoff was “roasted” memorably, if crudely, on Comedy Central.
Beginning in September, he will compete on the upcoming season of “Dancing with the Stars.” (Big ups to Mo and Nicole for scooping even me on this story!) This is a show I’ve never watched, save when Ozomatli performed live on one of the episodes. But rumored participants in this season’s competition, aside from Mikhail Baryshnik-hoff, include Audrina from “The Hills,” The Situation from “Jersey Shore,” Bristol Palin, Octomom, Brandy, and Michael Bolton. (Is it “Dancing with the Stars” or “Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases”? I mean, aside from The David, of course.) Not to mix metaphors, but that’s what I call an irresistible train wreck of biblical proportions.
And finally, his A&E reality show, elegantly titled “The Hasselhoffs,” premieres in December.
My “live blogging” during the Hoff Roast was a success, so I was thinking of bringing it back for DWTS and/or the A&E show. Thoughts?
Alright, enough of that. It’s time for…
the weather:
Weather narrative: Here at the end of summer (at least for those of us in the education field), the weather has been rather nice: highs in the 70s to low 80s with low humidity. Friday and Saturday should also be quite pleasant, as temperatures will be only moderately above normal and humidity will remain low.
The final heat wave of the summer will begin Sunday, the first of five straight days with high temperatures 90 or above. A relatively low dewpoint and light north and northwest breezes should make things much more tolerable than during other heat waves this summer, when heat indices soared above 100 for days at a time. But still, damned hot.
Things start to moderate toward next weekend, and conditions will be about normal for this time of year.
In terms of tropical storms, Hurricane Danielle is strengthening, but will deal only a glancing blow to Bermuda before heading back out to sea. I’m more interested in Earl, which is currently a tropical storm but looks as though it will intensify into at least a category 3 hurricane. Some models are suggesting that Earl could make landfall along the eastern seaboard, perhaps in our area, around 9/5. Stay tuned for updates.
A return of the heat and humidity will be an unwelcome visitor around the middle of the following week (9/7 and 9/8), but I think that will be short-lived.
Future weather: As we head toward the end of that week (9/9 and 9/10), the humidity will break with some strong thunderstorms and conditions will be drastically cooler. Highs will be in the 70s and lows in the lower 50s.
Winter sneak-peek: There has been a good bit of talk already that we’re going to have a harsh winter. Just today I was talking with Amy about the quantity and girth of acorns on many lawns right about now. As it turns out, extreme heat and humidity during a summer can beget larger and more plentiful acorns, which in turn can be a harbinger of a severe winter. That’s Farmer’s Almanac stuff, there, but there could be some truth in it.
I will, of course, release a comprehensive winter forecast sometime in November. But my preliminary investigation has yielded some sense of what I think we’re in for: late November and December are colder than normal; January thaws; February is frigid; winter temperatures last into March and even early April, with wild fluctuations in between. In terms of wintry precipitation, I don’t see a repeat of the “snowmageddon” of 2009-2010, but a series of smaller snow events, ice storms, and the like, which can be just as dangerous, if not more.
Again, this is a thumbnail sketch; much more detail to come.
I hope everyone has a fantastic 2010-2011 school year!
Monsoon makes Hasselhoff discovery
My good people,
First, let me say that I realize the recent dramatic uptick in Hasselhovian content on my weblog may have been a little much to take--particularly as my latest Hoff post provided a nearly unfiltered gaze into the fantastical (and fanatical) workings of my mind.
And yet, I beg your indulgence for one more moment or two.
For in my internet travels, I discovered a six-part reality/documentary series called "Meet the Hasselhoffs" which ran on Britain's Living channel beginning in September 2009. In the series, David and his Hoffspring (daughters Hayley and Taylor-Ann) travelled to England and pal around with popular British disc jockey Scott Mills, who takes them on all sorts of wild adventures.
It's all you could hope or want from such a show, and it provides a sort of preview of what we can expect from the upcoming A&E Hoff-centered reality show. Episode 1, Part 1 appears embedded below; the further segments can be found in the related video sidebar at the YouTube page.
Hasselhoff to star in new television show; Monsoon on tenterhooks
It’s been some time since I’ve mentioned the World’s Greatest Entertainer in this space—in fact, I had to go back to my pre-blogging days (when I used to send out my ramblings via email newsletter) to find any sustained discussion of this man. Well, it’s about damned time I brought you the latest about this living legend.
I am talking, of course, about David Michael Hasselhoff.
I’m not sure why it’s been so long since I have done a Hoff-focused piece. Maybe it was the video of his drunk, incoherent, and shirtless self, seated on the floor of a hotel room, trying in pathetic vain (and with plainly impaired dexterity) to consume a burger—a video shot by his daughter and reportedly released by his ex-wife—that kept me mum.
A still frame from the video in question; despite appearances, I SWEAR TO YOU that burger is going in and not coming up.
Maybe I was moved to silence by his several-season stint on the putrid, overblown NBC summer freakfest “American’s Got Talent”—which could not even by redeemed by his élan, his witticisms, or The Hoff’s annual live performance which would be the highlight of each season finale. (Here's a video clip of last year's performance.)
But, friends, Der Hasselhunk is about to break out the box—in a big way. He is poised to, once again, take his rightful place atop the entertainment throne.
Two weeks ago, Sir David, Knight of Hard Bodies announced that he was leaving “America’s Got Talent” in order to “be able to follow my dream to do my own TV show, which will be announced very shortly,” as he told the grey lady of gossip rags, People Magazine. “AGT” has already hired the wanky baldster Howie Mandel, formerly of the dimwitted game show “Deal or No Deal,” as Hasselhoff’s replacement.
[Tongues were wagging straight away in speculation that Hasselhott was actually fired from “AGT” for being drunk on the job, and these naysayers pointed to recent struggles he’s had with alcoholism as proof. Why else, the thinking goes, would he quit a top-ranked summer show at the height of its popularity? But of his three hospitalizations last year purportedly for alcohol poisoning—in May, September, and November 2009—only one was verifiably tied to his drinking.]
I reject this wanton conjecture, this scurrilous scandalmongering, my good people, and choose instead to focus on the future: David Hasselhoff will soon be on the TEE-vee in his very own show. It got me to thinking…what might this show be? Or is it still in development? Or is he entertaining several competing offers?
I hereby breathlessly offer here my top pitches for Hasselhovian television programming:
- “Hoff the Cuff.” In the tradition of “Shatner’s Raw Nerve” on the Biography Channel starring the “Star Trek” and “Private Practice” star, this series will feature awkward, one-on-one conversations between the Hasselhost and his celebrity subject. Suggestions for interview subjects include Luke Perry, Neil Diamond, Kiefer Sutherland, and Stephen Hawking. (You see, given his egomania, it’s important to find guests with whom Hasselhoff can bond over a common trait or experience. In the above list, it’s having perfect hair; gaining wild popularity as a musician and international sex symbol; starring in a number-one action-adventure series; and employing a staggering intelligence to probe the mysteries of theoretical cosmology and spatial relativity.)
- A remake, or more accurately a continuation, of the show “Baywatch Nights.” This criminally underrated series spun the Mitch Buchannon “Baywatch” lifeguard by day into a private detective by night. It co-starred Angie Harmon, Lou Rawls, and Gregalan Williams and was really rather good. The show sought to embody the casual sensibilities of the greatest detective show ever (“The Rockford Files”) in an L.A.-after-dark milieu. They could even bring back Angie Harmon (even though she’s a Republican who had publicly said she’d support Sarah Palin for President in 2012) and Gregalan Williams, though Lou Rawls has been unavailable since his death in 2006.
“Get it Hoff your Chest.” A double pun here in the title, since Hunk-o-hoff is renowned for his barrel chest, his rock-hard pecs, and the lustrous fur that adorns his torso. This is a talk show—which may seem like a step backward for Hasselhoff, but it comes with a twist: anyone willing to come on the show and confess to a betrayal or outright crime on-air will be eligible to win a prize. The David will employ his trademark tact and sensitivity to shepherd the guests through the resultant emotional minefield. - “Show Hoff.” Ordinary people are invited on to show the extraordinary things they can do: play “Yankee Doodle” on a nostril flute; stilt-walk through an out-of-control bonfire; perform an eye operation blindfolded and only using one’s feet; perform a flawless rendition of Beethoven’s Symphony No. 5 using only flatulent and eructative emanations. It’s kind of a cross between “The Gong Show,” “That’s Incredible!” and “America’s Got Talent,” except “Show Hoff” would have the good sense not to cheapen the word “talent” by applying it to a family of Irish dancers (or more impressively, would not even allow said dancers through the stage door).
- “Piss Hoff!” On BBC. It’s a hidden camera show, hosted and orchestrated by Hasselhoff, on which the marks can earn money and prizes by keeping their cool in the face of pranksters and provocateurs. Kind of a cross between “Punk’d” and MTV’s “Boiling Points.”
“Hoff by That Much.” It’s a sitcom, which is the one performance genre Hasselhoff has yet to conquer. In this series—about a divorced, 40-something (he can pass for it!) dad raising six troubled foster kids on his own—David will display a razor-sharp sense of comedic timing and earn near-universal praise for his chops. Liam Neeson will stun Hollywood by accepting the role of Hoff’s zany, eccentric neighbor Herman; Lorraine Bracco shines as Hasselhoff’s tart-tongued ex-wife and (in a madcap twist) boss at the ad agency where he works.- Yet another spin-off (or here, spin-hoff?) of the CSI franchise. This one is called “CSI: Pasadena” and stars Hasselhoff as the lead investigator, Meshach Taylor (of “Designing Women” and Mannequin semi-fame) as his saucy partner, and Nancy McKeon (of “The Facts of Life” and subsequently, of made-for-television movies) as the sassy forensic lab technician and Hoff’s on-again-hoff-again love interest. I smell a hit!
- A reality show in the vein of “Denise Richards: It’s Complicated” and “Being Bobby Brown” entitled “Don’t Hassel the Hoff.” (The title comes from a popular t-shirt featuring his moniker, which he co-opted for the American release of his autobiography back in 2006. The series will air on A&E or TV Land and will feature the dizzying day-to-day hi-jinks and manufactured crises that comprise his “real” life, plus a generous helping of his daughters (ages 19 and 17) as they embark on teen-pop careers, aided by their ultra-supportive dad. Possible alternate titles include “Hoff and Running,” “Hoff the Hook,” and the simple, yet elegant, “Hasselhoff.”
Of course, when he made his announcement, he very coyly failed to specify whether the show would be featured on American television. It could be that he’ll be the star of a new series to be aired where his genius is most appreciated: Germany. Of course, he’d have to pick up a little bit more of the language, but he’s got it in him. Here are some very real possibilities…
- “Hoffnung.” This word—which bears an etymological kinship to its star’s moniker—literally means “Hope.” The David will host a one-hour series inspired by the likes of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” and the Make-a-Wish Foundation. In it, he will visit the moderately depressed and slightly challenged, easing their minor troubles by singing them songs and shadowing them for a week. Each participant gets an “I’m with the Hoff” t-shirt—in Germany, it might be rendered “Ich spaziergang mit den Hoff”—to commemorate the easing of his or her vague malaise or nagging toe-ache.
- “Hoff Tanztastisch!” This word blends the verb tanzen (to dance) with the adjective fantasticsch (take a guess) to produce the delightful title of this song-and-dance variety show. Featuring guest comedians, actors, and entertainers from the bustling world of German show business, “Tanztastisch!” will contractually include at least two full-length performances by The Hoff—one auf Deutsch—and at least eight minutes of airtime picturing The Pecsational One with his tucked shirt unbuttoned to the navel, revealing his hairy chest.
- “Der Hasselhoff Verschiedenartigkeitsspektakel.” This translates to “The Hasselhoff Variety Show” and is essentially an alternate title for the show described above.
- “Haariges Hoffbrust mit den Glänzender Schönheit.” It’s a refinement of the variety hour, more pointedly sensual and more demographically specific. The title translates roughly to “Hairy Hoff-Chest with the Glistening Beauty” and will consist of nothing but a full hour of … what the title describes.
- “Der Fall der Berliner Mauer.” This show, which translates to “The Fall of the Berlin Wall,” grows out of Hasselhoff’s own oft-repeated claims that he felled the Berlin Wall with his 1989 concert there. (The concert was actually right after the wall fell, but his single “Looking for Freedom” was at the top of the German charts at the time it came down. So clearly he has a claim.) Anywho, in this lighthearted homage twenty years on, David counsels troubled couples—one of whom grew up in West Berlin, one in East Berlin—and helps them tear down the wall of anger that divides them. It could work.
Breaking news, for those few of you who are actually still reading this: Last week it was announced that, in fact, David Hasselhoff will be starring in an as-yet-untitled new reality series on A&E which will follow his life and his daughters’ burgeoning pop careers. The series will begin airing sometime later in 2010.
I cannot wait.
Flashback: Monsoon Hasselhoff's "Looking for Freedom" Forecast
My good people...
In the description of this weblog, you have been promised "Forecasting, Minutae, Jibba-Jabba, and Hoffophilia." In the first two years of its existence, there has been a glut of the first three and a regrettable dearth of Hasselhovian content.
That is about to change.
In anticipation of a post currently in the works following the jouncing pecs of The Hoff's life and career, here is one of the first pieces in which I declared my strange love for Sir Chisel of Hairwicke. It's from April 25, 2005 and was disseminated via email, in the old-school fashion, years prior to this weblog's genesis. And it follows below, enhanced with weblinks.
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Monsoon Hasselhoff’s “Looking for Freedom” Forecast
Monday, 25 April 2005
The entertainment dynamo known simply as The Hoff was born David Michael Hasselhoff born July 17, 1952 in Baltimore, Maryland.
The Greatest Photo Ever Taken; foreground, L to R, Gary Coleman and David Hasselhoff; background, KITT
David Hasselhoff, of course, is a multifaceted, multitalented conquistador of stage, small screen, and song. His distinguished television career has been distinguished (so far) by three unforgettable roles: Dr. Snapper Foster on “The Young and the Restless” in the 1970s; Michael Knight (and a memorable turn as the goateed evil twin Garthe Knight) on “Knight Rider” in the 1980s; and Mitch Buchannon on “Baywatch” in the late 1980s to early 90s (Mitch was also spun off onto the underappreciated early-90s adventure drama “Baywatch Nights,” co-starring Gregalan Williams, Angie Harmon and Lou Rawls).
Hoff as Garthe Knight; Garthe once growled: “Michael Knight is a living, breathing insult to my existence.”
His theatre career has recently included roles in the American production of “Jekyll and Hyde” and a leading role in the London production of “Chicago.”
But it is The Hoff’s music career that truly sets him apart as a triple-threat and one of the seminal artists of our time. He busted onto the scene with 1985’s Night Rocker (“I am the night rocker; I wanna rock you in my song.”). He has since released more than a dozen albums in Germany, the only place his true greatness has been acknowledged. The David has achieved the popularity of a Michael Jackson or Tom Jones in Germany. Most recently he released David Hasselhoff Sings America in 2004 and The Night Before Christmas this past November.
From “Flying on the Wings of Tenderness”:
We’re flying on the wings of tenderness
Riding the rivers of gentleness
Into the garden of love we’ll flow and watch it grow together
We’ll build a castle out of honesty
Fill every room with the harmony
Seeing the world trough each other’s eyes
We’ll live our lives together…
In 1994 His Hoffness decided to make a run at the musical stardom that had so eluded him in his homeland. He released a self-titled American “debut” album and hooked up a sweet Pay-Per-View star-studded concert event.
Based on eyewitness accounts (and the opinion of the Hoff himself), he rocked. I mean—he rocked the house like the house had not theretofore been rocked. He left the stage, though, and members of his management team inexplicably wore long faces. “What gives? I rocked it hard,” intoned the breathless David, who had truly “left it all onstage.” It was then that he saw a television—tuned to the live O.J. Simpson white bronco chase. Alas, while the hirsute Hoffmeister was delivering a mind-blowing concert to signal his triumphant emergence onto the American music stage, America was watching a slow-speed chase that would kick off the “trial of the century”—and not his performance. Ach!
His Bemulleted Grace played “Looking for Freedom” at Berlin Wall, New Year’s Eve 1989, to celebrate its crumbling. Hasselhoff himself feels his popularity in Germany was instrumental in bringing down the Berlin Wall and ending the Cold War: “I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of my hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie.”
It was rumored that he was going to release a rap album with Ice-T, but these rumors, tantalizing though they were, proved to be false.
The Hoff once gushed about one of his wildly popular projects: “Beyond its entertainment value, ‘Baywatch’ has enriched and, in many cases, helped save lives. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to continue with a project which has had such a significance for so many.”
On a similar note, commenting on the monumental impact his worldwide stardom—nay, superstardom—has had on children: “There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet me.”
Regarding his cameo in the film Spongebob Squarepants: “I've gone from talking to a car to swimming with Pamela Anderson to starring with a sponge.” The David also had a cameo in the film Dodgeball as a German soccer coach.
And finally, in the following oft-repeated quote, The Buff One manages to cram an astounding four clichés into one statement: “Keep smiling! Believe in yourself and never give up; dreams will come true.” And indeed they have: In 1996, His Hairiness received a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame.
One of Der Hoff’s most well-known and finely-crafted songs is the German language “Du”—a portion of which I have included (and translated) here for you all:
Du bist alles, was ich habe auf der welt,
Du bist alles, was ich will.
Du, du allein kannst mich versteh’n,
Du, du darfst nie mehr von mir geh’n.
Du, ich will dir etwas sagen
Was ich noch zu keinem anderen mädchen gesagt habe,
Ich hab’ dich lieb, ja ich hab’ dich lieb
Und ich will dich immer lieb haben
Immer, immer nur dich.
*******************************
You are all I have in this world,
You are all I want.
You! You alone can understand me,
You! You may never go away from me.
You…I will say something to you
That I have said to no other girl,
I love you; yes, I love you
And I will always love you
Always, always for only you.
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