Monsoon's Time Capsule: Today was like a terd struck me!
Today boggie shnot was dripping out of my nose!
Today is art. Nodbody hardly talked to me!
We had art today. Today is a fartty! day!
Yesterday I could of pooped! My mom drived me nuts!
As I opened the box, I felt as though I was revealing the contents of a time capsule, sealed nearly thirty years ago. In the box—obtained from my parents, who are cleaning out their storage cellar—were artifacts from my first few years of school. I took a deep breath and dug in.
In excavating my wonder years (at Cole Manor Elementary School - what what!), I found stories I had written, pictures I had drawn, simple poetry and yellowed report cards and autograph books. But what I found most engrossing were two journals I wrote in 1st and 2nd grade, respectively. As the note from the teacher stapled to the front cover explained, the journal’s “purpose was to encourage the expression of thoughts and feelings in writing. Some of what is written may by very personal to your child.”
Here is the first entry of the first journal, written when I was seven years old:
In combing through these journals, I found much of value: reminders of old feuds and crushes; evidence of the deeply nerdy and spastic manner in which I conducted myself; remembrance of happy times in what, in recollection, often seems to be a somewhat less than happy childhood. (And some of it confirms that perceived unhappiness.) Most of all, many of the entries are just a jumbled mess of goofiness, still-developing syntax, scatological humor, and utter confusion.
I present here a selection of the most memorable entries—the masterful similes, the eloquent summative statements about lousy days, the beginnings of my storied fussiness, the obsession with fecal matters, the allusions to 1980s television, the burgeoning awareness of girls, the angry denunciations of my peers, and more—all of which is presented unedited, as written. Please, enjoy.
The first journal was from first grade, so I was 7 years old.
Today boggie shnot was dripping out of my nose!
Today is art. Nodbody hardly talked to me!
We had art today. Today is a fartty! day!
Yesterday I could of pooped! My mom drived me nuts!
Today ain’t very good. Today was like a terd struck me!
Ah yes, the great cosmic terd (properly spelled "turd," but whatever). As Longfellow famously wrote, "Into every life a little terd must fall."
Today I went to the bathroom at scholl, and I didn’t have the runs.
I must break in here to observe several patterns already emerging: I was preoccupied with fluids and secretions; I was fond of the exclamatory; I did not care for art class—more on that later—and I was actually kind of lonely.
Today smells like poop!
Today Roberrt brought a picture of naked wimmin in today. I’ll show you.
And I did, by drawing crude renderings of the breasts and buttocks that lingered in my imagination after Robbie Mitchell—he’s to my left in the class picture—showed me the smut. I am in the white plaid shirt; Robbie’s shirt is red and blue.
Aside from those identified in the text: middle row, far left is Luke Embree; middle row, third from left is Craig Smyser; top row, fourth from left is Robbie Fisher; and top row, next to teacher is Christine Oliver
Everybody kiss my grits!
Today Dee was hilarious.
That would be Dee Herbert, top left in the photo, who gave me my first kiss in Kindergarten.
Today Amanda was hit by alot of cheese!
Note the passive construction here: Amanda was hit avoids the delicate question of who did the throwing of the cheese. I don’t recall that it was me, but I cannot rule it out.
Today was like a fart.
Today – toilet.
Today Robert was on the stage for the 9th time!
Again, Robbie Mitchell. Children who misbehaved during lunch were forced to stand on the stage to be ridiculed by the rest of the student body. In reality, few dared ridicule these kids, as they were usually the baddest asses among us.
__________________________________________________________
The second journal was from second grade, so I was eight years old. Here I acquired a more sophisticated vocabulary, wrote more complex sentences, and must have even learned “cursive” (script writing), as there is evidence of such writing herein.
Today is the first day of school. I feel Absouluteley, Positively, lousy!!!! about coming to school today.
Today Sucks!
Today was suckey.
Glen learned a new word over the summer, evidently.
Today we had Mrs. Farb for reading. She is terrible.
I don’t recall what was so terrible about her, but seeing the name did evoke a sort of visceral revulsion in me.
Today I ate my finger.
No, I did not.
Today Adam is DEAD! Because Adam likes Denise and so do I, and Adam likes STEPHANIE and so doe Bruce!
Detail: Monsoon, grade 2That would be Adam Vogin—front row, right side, smartly dressed in a navy blue three-piece suit and docksiders—and Bruce Jacoby—front row left, maroon checkered blazer. Oh, and Stephanie Smith, to my right in the light pink dress. I had my first date with Stephanie in 5th grade: my mom took us to see A Christmas Story and went to see another movie. Stephanie sat in the aisle seat and put her coat in the seat next to her. I spent the beginning of the film brooding from two seats away, but quickly got caught up in the hilarity of the movie. And check out Mrs. Bair, whom I had a major crush on. But I digress.
Today I wanted to sit next to Denise in the play, but I didnt.
Today is really cruddy!
Today I wen’t nuts! Everybody says “Like yer lady shirt”! I was about to kill them!
I know not what shirt had drawn the ridicule of my peers, but I recall having clothing-related distress even in Kindergarten. My mother would dress me in a tan, ribbed turtleneck shirt and brown corduroy pants, and each time I was forcibly clad in this earthy fashion tomb, I suffered untold anguish. In addition, I was beginning to get a bit of a belly (as you can see in the baseball picture), so when my mother took me to Penney’s to shop for school clothes, she would blare as we entered the boys’ section: “Where’s the husky section? Do you’s have husky pants?” And I would die, die, die.
Eddie Oceluss’s _____ is grass today! Kendall is gonna beat his _____! I’m sure were gonna win the fight.
Clearly “ass” is the omitted word, and I think that I took no part in any such dust-up. Sadly, no picture of Eddie, or Kendall. Kendall was a young black man who was always getting in trouble. Usually we were on good terms, but in 3rd or 4th grade I called him a “fartface” while getting off the bus, and he pummeled the ever-loving shit out of me by the monkey bars.
Geic! We have our book test on Monday. My black eye is healing up. I had the most terriblist dream of all of the centurys!
No word on what the dream entailed, or what “Geic” means. Lost to the ages.
I am frusturated! My friend [crossed out theatrically] bruce told denise that I made a crank phone call on her! (But I didnt!)
Really: I may have.
Today we are having spaghetti for lunch and having a play at 11:00. The play is cinderella and I think I’m going to hate it!
Today I think is going to be a bad day Because Kendall has been picking on me. I think kendall is every curse in the world that anybody ever said!
This was around the time we got HBO and my parents would let me watch George Carlin specials with them, so I could have actually supplied more than a few of these curses.
Today I am buying lunch. We are having Cheeseburgers. I like them. Today Kendall is picking on me like I was a nose!
Today I fell in love. This sexy fox came walking down our bus stop. I fell down. And that is all I have to say today.
These were apparently my first blues lyrics. Really, though: can there be any more succinct statement of the devastation that results when love strikes?
Yesterday I saw flash gordon on home box. I might to Denise to the movies if she wants to go and her parents let her go. I am paying for it. We are seeing Robin Hood. I love her. I hope my mom sits in the row in front of us so we can be necking during the movie.
Today we have a contest. I don’t know what it is though. I think it is going to be a dumb contest.
Here we see the beginnings of my cynicism: I do not know what the contest is, but I know it will be dumb.
Today Denise is absent. I think Stephanie likes me. I don’t know why but I think she likes me. Kathy has poison ivy so she better not touch me.
Reality check: Denise is trying to avoid me; Stephanie does not like me (see above); Kathy does not even want to get near my cootie-ridden self.
We have art today. I HATE ART!!!!!
Today I am going to a Phillies game. They are playing the Giants. I hope the Phillies win. I really like Mike Schmidt.
Little League, right around this time. I would spend much of my time standing in the outfield swatting at chiggers, or riding the bench. The outfit in which I am clad is just stone cold sexy: rolled-up jeans, polo shirt collar poking fashionably out of uniform t-shirt, sweatshirt under the t-shirt. Need I go on? Oh, and that's Adam Vogin again, sitting closest to me.
Art was fun yesterday. I am going to be so bored because you know how I hate violin music.
Alright, so I like art now, but I have a well-renowned aversion to classical music.
Today we didnt go to the zoo! I am so mad I could spit nickels! We are going on June 3!
Either my mom or my nana or both used this phrase: “spit nickels.” Could I have really been this worked up about the postponement of our field trip? Or did I just want to wield that cutting phrase?
Today we are seeing the Muppet movie. I liked it the first time and I am willing to see it again.
__________________________________________________________
And that’s that. First grade began with my favorite hanky, and second grade ended with a frank, controlled keenness to see The Muppet Movie for the second time.
It’s all so much clearer now…
Monsoon’s Heat Wave Alert for Saturday, 3 July 2010
After a few idyllic days with highs in the 70s and pleasant breezes, we’re in for the first real heat wave of the summer: with temperatures reaching into the 90s on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Blech.
Saturday 7/3: Starting out cool; overnight temperatures will be in the 50s around here. Temperatures will climb rapidly in the afternoon, reaching 88. Low 62. And here we go.
Sunday 7/4: Hot, but not yet really disgustingly humid. High 94, low 65.
Monday 7/5: Blazing sunshine with increasing humidity. You'll feel like an hours-old cheeseburger baking under a merciless heat lamp at a rest stop Roy Rogers. High 96, low 69.
Tuesday 7/6: Hazy, hot and humid. Just soupy. Any time you spend outside will feel like you are swimming through a steaming vat of sweat bisque. High 97, low 71. Heat indices in the 100s.
Wednesday 7/7: Hot, humid, and partly cloudy. By this point you will have forgotten your name, and hallucinations will be common. You’ll move with the leaden, apathetic steps of a high school sophomore walking back to class from the lavatory. Someone will ask, "Hot enough for ya?" and you will stab him in the forehead with your car keys. High 95, low 70. Heat indices again in the 100s.
Thursday 7/8: Blah, blah, yadda, blah. You will get into your car and burn yourself on the seat, the steering wheel, and the gearshift all before you start the damned thing. You'd like to cry out, but the humidity will prevent you from catching your breath, so you just blast the A/C and get on your way. But sadly, you are now delirious and forget where you are going. High 93, low 70.
Friday 7/9: The heat wave breaks as a weak cold front comes through, which may touch off a few thunderstorms. High 91, low 66.
Saturday 7/10: Breathing freely will again be possible. High 85, low 55.
Sunday 7/11: Clouds mixed with sunshine and cooler. High 76, low 53.
The following week: Rainy to begin the week, then a bit warmer with highs in the 80s. By the third week in July, I think we’ll see another heat wave brewing.
The Bunk Days of Summer
Hey friends,
Thought I'd give you all an update on the sweetest dog in the world.
That would be Bunk, for those new to the weblog.
He just turned 22 months old and continues to love life - and we continue to love life with him.
The boy was groomed today and it occurred to me that I haven't shared pictures of him in quite a while. So here are some pictures.
Enjoy!
The Slumbering Bunk. After a long day at the office (aka the Bark N Barn, his utopian daycare retreat), The Bunk likes to curl up with a pillow and get some richly deserved shuteye.
The Slumbering Bunk, worm's eye view. Those great paws led us to think he might grow quite large, but The Bunk is actually small for the breed.
The Bunk out the window, taking in all the sights, the sounds, the smells - and probably a bug or two - as the wind blows through his mane, while (I am) driving through Lancaster County. Note: this photo was taken in exactly the way you think it was taken, which was not smart. I promise I will not repeat this action.
The Bunk, captured here in early June after a brushing, looks down imposingly from the stairs. Yes, imposing. Seriously! He will mess you up! Have you seen his teeth? Oh, alright.
The Bunk asleep on Monsoon. If I look really happy here, it's because I am.
The Bunk, newly groomed, sits pretty earlier today. This act of obedience earned him a "Gooood siiiiiit!" and a treat. Alright, two treats. This is one of those moments when Mrs. Monsoon and I look at each other and say something like, "He is so cute, he doesn't even look real." And you know what? It's damned right.Monsoon
Two bat wings, one Einstein quote, countless profanities, and a tender hug
My good people.
On Tuesday, I witnessed the smarmiest, most unrepentantly rank speech I have ever seen in my teaching career. It was so irredeemably repugnant, so gallingly putrid, that at times it almost rose to the level of art.
The assignment was the farewell address, which is an opportunity for seniors to reflect on their formative years as they prepare to graduate—in terms of academics, activities, relationships, interests, and the like—and present these well-formed and organized ruminations to the class. Many students use the opportunity to talk about an aptitude or pursuit of which many of their peers may not have been aware. Others talk about drug-addicted parents, profound losses, and even psychological struggles of their own. Still others confine their remarks to lighthearted remembrances of the ordinary vicissitudes and occasional monkeyshines of adolescent life.
And then there are those who are seemingly engaged in some sort of unseen scavenger hunt to cause the most offense, draw the deepest gasps, and elicit the most soul-sick groans from the instructor.
Me.
Allow me to hit the highlights of Tuesday’s final speech in my final senior class of the school year. I have inexplicably changed the names to protect the vile. So let’s call Tuesday’s presenter Ignacio Boondoggle.
The speech, it goes without saying, received a grade of zero. And while there were some innocuous reflections and even some sweet moments, they were drowned out by the relentless flood of foulness recounted below. Some of it is nearly amusing; some of it is vaguely troubling; some of it is downright disturbing. All of it is profane. You have been warned.
- The speech began with Ignacio's exhortation to the class to “settle the fuck down!” And settle the fuck down, they did.
- Ignacio lamented that he didn’t have a lot of pictures of him and his friend Travis Banjo because “we’re not gay.” He later reiterated the statement, lest anyone misperceive their special relationship.
- Ignacio reported that he and Travis would often engage in a “ball-grabbing war” to pass the time, and that often, when one of them was feeling down, they would just “grab each other’s balls” to lift one another’s spirits.
- Ignacio also reported playing “The Penis Showing Game” when bored in class. (Apparently this game originates from the film Waiting.) Bart would show Ignacio the “Bat Wing”; Ignacio would show Bart the “Shy Turtle.” This would be done at the most inappropriate moments possible in order to enhance their enjoyment of this pastime.
- Ignacio likes to get, and be, naked. He met his good friend Bart when he screamed “Group hug!” in the showers one day after gym class. Bart was the first (and only) respondent to Ignacio’s invitation.
- He frequently plays strip rock-paper-scissors and admitted that quite probably—on a subconscious level—he purposely loses these games so he can remove more clothing. Ignacio also reported getting in trouble for a nudity-related stunt in chemistry class last year: he climbed inside a cabinet and pressed his bare buttocks against its glass doors, giving the teacher (and his peers) an unwanted show.
- Once, in accounting class, the teacher was conducting an exercise and needed a fictional name for an imaginary checking account. Ignacio obligingly supplied “Gum Cuzzler,” and the teacher began writing it on the board. Once she realized the suggestive intent of his suggestion, the teacher sent Ignacio from the classroom. “I got in trouble for that one,” he recalled blithely.
- Reported playing “Smear the queer”—in which a target is identified and all others attack him—when he joined the soccer team in high school. He helpfully had this phrase in his PowerPoint presentation so there would be no question as to its proper spelling and usage.
- A portly young man's shirt ripped during gym class and his “boob” came out. Ignacio threatened to “titty-fuck” him. (At this time, I interrupted Ignacio to ask him if he remembered the conversation we had last week, in which I cautioned him against including inappropriate content in his speech and he had promised he would tone it down. He said he did remember, and he would tone it down. But by this point he was like a runaway train of ribaldry. He could not—would not—be stopped).
- In Ocean City, Ignacio, Travis and Bart spent the time “trying to pick up fat chicks.”
- Ignacio made reference to a film called Two Girls One Cup, and the fact that it changed his life. (The film's title also graced a PowerPoint slide.) A cursory Google search indicates that the film is actually the unofficial title of the trailer for a scat-fetish pornographic film called Hungry Bitches. If you don't know what “scat-fetish” is, you are lucky, and you should not find out. The appearance of the title and mention of the film was met with uproarious laughter from many of the boys in attendance. (There is apparently a spate of videos taken of people’s reactions when seeing the video in question for the first time. Search “2 Girls 1 Cup reactions” on YouTube for examples of this fascinating phenomenon. My favorite is also from one of my favorite musical groups of all time, hip hop giants The Roots; be warned, you need to turn down your computer’s volume, because there is lots of horrified screaming. None of these reaction videos shows the actual pornographic clip, rest assured.)
- Ignacio stated, in a matter-of-fact way, that his prom date this year was a “whore.” Just as notably, he seemed untroubled by this young lady’s apparent harlotry.
- Ignacio admitted losing many leg-wrestling matches at family functions because he was competing against “grown-ass men.”
- Ignacio's penultimate slide read as follows: “Your only young once so fuck shit up.” - Albert Einstein. I have several problems with the inclusion of this quotation: first, some in the audience apparently believed it was plausible that Albert Einstein had uttered the phrase attributed to him, which their bewildered questions revealed; second, the use of ‘your’ where ‘you’re’ would have been proper proves that my efforts to teach Ignacio the difference between a possessive and a contraction were an utter failure; third, I quit.
- The slideshow—and his speech—closed with a self-portrait which Ignacio had shot the previous evening. It featured Ignacio recumbent on a bed, completely nude, with a blanket covering his groin. At this, I sprang up from my seat and turned the computer projector off. Though the photograph was not revealing in any specific way, its horrifyingly suggestive tone—and its subject’s unmistakably lascivious gaze—were very much the last straw for me. In so many ways.
- After the rest of the class had left and I was still reeling from what had just happened, Ignacio approached me gingerly, said he was sorry that things got out of hand, thanked me for putting up with him all year, and gave me a tender hug. And with that, he was gone.
Never shall I forget that speech. Not if I live a thousand lifetimes, not if I have ten thousand more students. Notwithstanding any hypnotism, primal scream therapy, traumatic brain injury, or other Eternal Sunshine-esque method of targeted memory erasure I might visit upon myself. Never.
And so I ask those of you who are not in the education field: remember well what I have told you, and consider gently the grim task of the teacher in dealing with these sorts of tom-fools.
Thank you for your time. I am getting an early start to summer vacation.
Severe Thunderstorms Friday in Berks, northern Lancaster Counties
Looking at a line of severe thunderstorms heading toward the central and southern Berks / northern Lancaster County area. First showers and storms should be in the area around 5pm, then there's a chance of further storms anytime until about 9 or 10pm this evening. Storms could include large hail, damaging winds, and soaking downpours.
Saturday looks hot and humid again (high in the upper 80s) with an even better chance of late afternoon and evening storms.
On Sunday there could be some strong storms in the morning, then skies will be clearing and it will feel noticeably less soupy. High will only get up to around 80.
Next week is looking more seasonable with highs in the 70s and lows in the 50s. Next really good chance for rain is Thursday and Friday.
Next weekend the 12th and 13th, things heat up again. Temperatures will reach or exceed 90 and heat indices will be well into the triple digits.
Stay tuned...
Thursday Thunderstorms: When and Where?
It’s been hot. Soon, it will not. Then, again. Here’s how…
A cold front slams into a hot, humid air mass and brings us thunderstorms that could be damaging. These will develop anytime between 3 and 9pm, and could bring high winds, large hail, and some brief, soaking downpours. Some areas may not see these storms, but most will.
Here’s an extreme example of what it’s like to have baseball-sized hailstones falling from the sky, from an Oklahoma storm about a week ago…
Today will be warm and increasingly humid with thunderstorms possible, as mentioned above. High 88, low 64.
Friday will be partly to mostly cloudy and far more pleasant, with a passing shower or two possible. High 74, low 52.
Saturday looks gorgeous – partly cloudy with a pleasant breeze. High 78, low 56.
Sunday and Monday look warmer still, but not terribly uncomfortable, with highs in the mid 80s. Most importantly for those of you with outdoor plans, I don’t see any chance for precipitation on either of those two days.
The first week of June is looking a little cooler (highs in the 70s) and rainier (especially Thursday and Friday).
Enjoy and be safe!
Monsoon's Forecast for Tuesday, 25 May 2010, featuring the Super-Extended WeatherTable 7013
A new weather forecast, complete with WeatherTable. Hey - you deserve it.
The weather:
Weather narrative: On Tuesday we’ll see increasing heat and humidity, which will hit us full force on Wednesday. Some thunderstorms will likely move through on Thursday evening, leaving behind more moderate conditions. Right now, it’s looking at though Memorial Day will be chilly with the potential for a few showers, but outdoor plans should be safe for the most part.
Things warm up again toward the end of next week, and then another front comes through next weekend to wash away the mugginess. When that happens, we’ll see some more rain.
Future weather: After a strong cold front comes through, look for moderating temperatures (highs in the low to mid 70s) as we get into the second week of June.
Enjoy!
Imagine All the Blue Skies...
It’s been too long, my good people, but it’s getting toward the end of the school year, and that means that I find far too much of my time taken up with actual work. It's terribly inconvenient.
The clouds are parting, though (couldn’t resist the weather metaphor), and so I’ve been able to delve back into my love for meteorology.
Expect a Bunk update soon, too.
It’s rainy and cool today, but I’m seeing both bluer-skied and warmer weather straight ahead. Check it.
Tuesday night 5/18: overcast with a leftover shower or bit of drizzle. Low around 50.
Wednesday 5/19: partly cloudy and a bit milder with a slight chance of a passing shower or two early. High 68, low 52.
Thursday 5/20: plenty of sunshine and warmer with gentle breezes. High 80, low 54.
Friday 5/21: sunny, breezy, and pleasant. High 82, low 58. This is Imagine Day at Mifflin, and things are looking gorgeous for an event often beset with unwelcome chilly or rainy conditions.
Saturday 5/22: partly sunny and more humid with a chance of showers or thunderstorms late. High 78, low 61.
Sunday 5/23: partly to mostly cloudy with a couple of showers or thunderstorms moving through. High 76, low 59.
Next week and weekend: highs in the 70s for the first half of next week, with a couple of showers possible on both Tuesday and Wednesday—but neither day will be a washout. We’re looking at a return of warm and humid conditions by Thursday (when highs will be in the 80s). By next weekend (the 29th and 30th of May) we’ll be looking at highs approaching 90 as we enter a period of instability.
Beyond: more seasonable conditions will prevail, with highs in the mid to upper 70s and lows in the 50s. Humidity, instability, and the chance for precipitation return toward the middle of June…
Quick weather update, 12 April 2010
Just wanted to give you all an update on the weather, as we'll see a bit more rain and somewhat more seasonable highs than we've had of late...
Tuesday 4/13: cooler and overcast with a few showers, mainly in the afternoon; clearing late. High 56, low 41.
A weak cold front approaches, bringing with it scattered showers moving in from the northwest throughout the day on Tuesday. Not a washout, but you may want to have an umbrella handy.
Wednesday 4/14: milder with plenty of sunshine. High 64, low 38.
Thursday 4/15: partly cloudy and breezy for much of the day; clouding up late. High 71, low 49.
Friday 4/16: overcast with showers and drizzle possible throughout the day and into the evening. High 66, low 50.
Saturday 4/17 and Sunday 4/18: cooler and generally overcast with rain possible, particularly Saturday. Highs around 60, lows around 40.
Next week: The pattern holds with partly cloudy conditions predominate; highs will be in the lows 60s and lows in the low 40s. Look for a chance of showers on Wednesday 4/21 and Thursday 4/22.
Beyond: Below normal temperatures with highs in the low 50s and temperatures perhaps flirting with the freezing mark here and there. Then, for the end of April: a dramatic warm-up.
Weather Update: 3/30 through next week
Here’s what to expect over the next week or so, weather-wise: rain, then cool, then pleasant, then warm.
In more detail:
Tuesday 3/30: rather windy and noticeably cooler with rain off and on, tapering late. Rain from this evening to Tuesday night could total up to half an inch to three-quarters of an inch in the forecast area. I think areas west of Philadelphia and the immediate suburbs are going to miss the bulk of the heaviest rainfall heading up the coast. High 50, low 42.
The accumulated rainfall through Wednesday: note that the heaviest amounts (reds and oranges) are along the coast and back into Philadelphia, while we'll see more moderate amounts (greens).
Wednesday 3/31: clearing and winds diminishing throughout the day; becoming milder. High 61, low 38.
Thursday 4/1: sunny, breezy and quite a bit milder. High 74, low 50.
Friday 4/2: sunny and unseasonably warm with mild southwest breezes. High 79, low 54.
Saturday 4/3: sunny and really warm, more than 20 degrees above the normal high for this time of year. I mean, just ridiculous. Really. High 82, low 55.
Sunday 4/4: partly sunny and not quite as warm. High 74, low 52.
Monday 4/5: partly cloudy with a passing shower or two in the morning. High 69, low 46.
The rest of next week: generally partly cloudy with highs hanging in the 60s and lows in the 40s.
Beyond: the following weekend is cooler with highs in the 50s and rain possible.
The Vicissitudes of Spring ... The Majesty of Bunk
Stay tuned after the weather update for brand-new Bunk content!
The weather...
Weather narrative: We’re going to see the fickle vicissitudes of early spring over the next couple of weeks. After today (Sunday) we can bid a fond adieu to the 70-plus temperatures and “spring fever” of the past few days. Monday will bring in a cold front, and with it some rain and plummeting temperatures. Look for the bulk of the rain late Monday afternoon and evening, perhaps lingering into Tuesday morning.
On Wednesday it gets back up into the low 60s, but a stiff wind will make it feel more like autumn than spring. On Friday we get cooler again with showers possible on that day and on Sunday.
Next week (the last week of March) is looking rather cold and rainy, with the possibility of frozen precipitation early on Sunday the 28th and Monday the 29th. This will just be a little dusting or coating – a reminder of what we’re leaving behind, and what we won’t see around these parts again until year’s end.
Beyond the forecast: As we get into what is, for many of us, an abbreviated Spring Break, I’m seeing temperatures rebound into the low to mid 50s (closer to normal for this time of year) with drier conditions generally.
And now, as promised: The Bunk.
I’ve been remiss in providing you updates and pictures of The Bunk here in the New Year; I was a bit preoccupied with the snow, the snow, the snow.
The Bunk is 19 months old now (or he will be, on Wednesday), and remains, believe me, and absolute gentleman. Indeed, to speak feelingly of him, he is the very card or calendar of gentry. [Someone help me: we finished Hamlet a month ago, and yet I cannot stop quoting it. It is not, nor it cannot come to good. See?]
Anywho, he’s a delight. Yesterday he seemed to have finally understood the concept of “fetch” while we mucked about on the tennis courts, but only fleetingly: when he became more interested in a far-off sound, an intriguing smell, or a passing dog, the game was over. He has a formidable bark whose depth and apparent ferocity belie the mildness and poofery of his appearance.
Here are some snapshots of The Bunk being The Bunk, in his own inimitable way.
The Bunk maintains his dignity despite being clad in Christmas-themed garb - Boxing Day 2009 
Lounging happily betwixt two pieces of furniture, his body on the chair and his head on the hassock, The Bunk takes both malleability and adorability to new heights - January 2010 
DFW: Down for Whatever - January 2010 
The Bunk, plastered to my side, some idyllic weekend - February 2010 
The Bunk breaks his own previous record for malleability, wedged into the chair in the sunbeam, fast asleep - February 2010 
Fully splayed, looking like an albino Grover - February 2010 
Who's a sleepy boy? You are! You are! - March 2010 
The Bunk, at play, yesterday - March 2010
Spring is near.
After what seemed like a solid week of rainy, chilly days, we’re getting a nice reward here with brilliant sunshine and highs in the mid 60s throughout the region. Esbenshades is open, Boehringer’s just opened, and although the spring opening at Shupp’s Grove is a full month away, spring is definitely in the air.
Here’s a look at the weather in store for the last few days of winter and the first week or so of spring…
Wed 3/17: continued mild with brilliant sunshine as a high pressure system sets up over our area. Look for highs once again in the mid 60s and overnight lows in the mid 30s.
Thu 3/18: sunny and mild once again and somewhat breezy; highs in the mid to upper 60s and a low around 40.
Fri 3/19: sunny and mild again. Look for highs in the upper 60s (some areas could actually reach 70!) and lows again near 40.
Sat 3/20: sunny to partly cloudy and still mild, with highs in the mid to upper 60s and lows in the low to mid 40s. Happy first day of spring!
Sun 3/21: mostly cloudy, breezy and mild with a high again in the low to mid 60s. Slight chance of some showers later on Sunday night, when we should expect a low in the low 40s.
Mon 3/22: sun and clouds mix; cooler with temperatures closer to normal for this time of year (highs in the low 50s, lows in the low 30s).
Tue 3/23: partly cloudy and seasonably pleasant with highs in the low to mid 50s and lows in the low to mid 30s.
Wed 3/24: partly to mostly cloudy and a bit milder with highs perhaps reaching the upper 50s.
Thu 3/25: clouds arrive ahead of a low pressure system, keeping highs in the low 50s.
Fri 3/26 and Sat 3/27: overcast, rainy and chilly with highs only reaching about the mid 40s.
Sun 3/28 and Mon 3/29: partly sunny and still cool with highs in the upper 40s at best.
Preliminary spring break (or what’s left of it) forecast: looks like the typical early-April pattern holds and we see highs in the upper 40s to low 50s with a few rainy days.
Stay tuned!
Monsoon's Rainy Forecast for Tuesday, 9 March 2010
As the snowy season recedes into memory, and the bulging snow piles shrivel to filthy, pepper-flecked knolls in the far reaches of parking lots, we can look ahead to a rainy mid-March. Here are the details...
Wednesday 3/10: partly cloudy with plenty of sunshine to start; becoming cloudy late. High 58, low 36.
Thursday 3/11: mostly cloudy with rain showers and drizzle developing by late afternoon. Light rain continues on and off into the evening and overnight. Temperatures holding in the low 50s.
Friday 3/12: cloudy and breezy with intermittent rain; becomes heavier at night. Temperatures generally in the mid 50s.
Saturday 3/13: cloudy and windy with steady rain, especially early. Watch for flooding problems developing, particularly at waterways and poor drainage areas. High 58, low 44.
The heavy rains we'll be seeing in the mid-Atlantic on Friday night into Saturday morning
Sunday 3/14: overcast with some lingering showers possible, mainly early, tapering by the afternoon. From Thursday to Sunday most of us will see anywhere from three-quarters of an inch to an inch and a half of rainfall. High 56, low 39.
Next week: seasonably cooler with highs in the upper 40s and lows in the mid to upper 30s. A bit of rain is possible here and there on Monday through Wednesday, but the next steady rain will come through around Thursday 3/18 to Friday 3/19. Cold overnight and early-morning temperatures could result in a few flurries on Friday or Saturday, but nothing accumulating.
Beyond: seasonably cool (or just a tad below normal) into the third week of March, with highs in the mid to upper 40s and lows at or just below freezing.
Snow: there’s a chance, really, until early April. But I truly don’t think so.
Monsoon Anticipates, Answers Your Weather Queries
As the winter comes to a close, I know some of you have questions about the coming weeks, weather-wise. As your faithful blogger, it is my job to not only answer your questions, but to anticipate them.
And so.
What’s this weekend going to be like?
Niiiiiice. Expect plenty of sunshine both Saturday and Sunday with high temperatures approaching (and maybe on Sunday, eclipsing) 50, and a pleasant breeze.
So are we going to get this gargantuan snowstorm, the March 7th 40-incher predicted by Berks almanac-diviner Lester Moyer?
It would appear that we will not…as I said a couple of weeks ago.
What about next week?
Nice again, at least for most of the week. Highs will be in the low 50s on Monday, and the upper 40s through Thursday, with overnight lows just above freezing. Skies will be partly cloudy in general. Expect showers anytime from Friday through Sunday—but these will be rain showers.
And while you’re at it, what’s it going to be like the following week, the 15th through the 19th?
A bit warmer, actually. Highs are going to get into the mid-50s on Monday and Tuesday, then on Wednesday into Thursday we’re looking at chillier conditions and some rain (which may mix with some wet snow at night).
Level with us: is there going to be any more freaking snow?
I really think we may be finished with accumulating snowfall for the season. Seriously.
When can we expect spring-like temperatures?
April? May?
When can I begin wearing my tube-top and culottes out in public again?
Never. Trust me.
If there are any other questions I can answer for you, email me by clicking on the “Monsoon” below!
Monsoon's Snow No More? Forecast
Most places in the area have seen 70+ inches of snow this winter, shattering records, and nearly 50 inches in February alone. (Here in northern Lancaster County we had 46 inches in February.) So…uncle. That’s enough. Ready for the snow to leave us now.
The pattern ahead holds for continued wet weather, but there are signs the arctic air will lift and some milder conditions will move in. Yes, my good people: there is an actual, plausible chance that we may be finished with the snow insanity for winter 2010.
Monday 3/1 – partly to mostly sunny and quite windy, especially in the afternoon. A storm affects New England but not New York, New Jersey, or Pennsylvania. High in the low to mid 40s and low in the upper 20s.
Tuesday 3/2 – plenty of clouds with scattered rain showers in the afternoon and evening. High near 40 and low overnight of around 30. There may be some snow showers and flurries, amounting to no more than a coating. But look out for slick driving and walking surfaces Tuesday night into Wednesday morning.
Wednesday 3/3 – cloudy and breezy with snow showers likely. There is a large coastal storm moving up the coast, but it will miss us to the south. We’ll only see snow showers out of this. [If my thinking changes on this event—which would again mean accumulating snow if it hugs the coast and takes a more northward tack—I’ll let you know.] High in the mid 30s, low in the mid to upper 20s.
Chance of cancellation Wednesday, 15%
Chance of delay Wednesday, 55%
Thursday 3/4 – cloudy and rather breezy with a few stray snow or rain showers possible; clearing and becoming colder later. High in the low 40s, low in the low 20s.
Friday 3/5 – plenty of sunshine with highs in the upper 30s and lows in the mid 20s.
The weekend – sunny and milder with highs in the mid 40s and lows just below freezing. (Note that Sunday is March 7th, the date of Lester Moyer’s Forty-Inch Snow Dump Phantasm.)
Next week – begins with cloudy conditions and highs reaching the upper 40s to near 50 (!). Some rain (all rain, only rain) is possible on Tuesday 3/9 and Wednesday 3/10. By the end of the week, look for seasonably cold temperatures: highs struggling to reach 40.
Next weekend – highs in the 30s, lows in the 20s: colder than normal temperatures, and perhaps some wintry precipitation.
Stay tuned…
Monsoon's Storm Recap and Look-Ahead
What a curious, maddening snowstorm: some areas got scarcely any accumulation, and others (in the places I figured would get hardest-hit) got more than two feet of snow.
I have to acknowledge some problems with my forecast, though: accumulating snow did not develop here until later Thursday night, whereas I thought it would begin accumulating and causing travel problems by early Thursday afternoon; and snow totals in most of the forecast area just didn’t reach even the adjusted 6-8 inch forecast.
Why did the storm fail to live up to my forecast? A few reasons…
- My forecast was flawed. I got all excited about the prospect of more heavy snowfall that I missed some indicators suggesting this might be lighter for us.
- The angle of the sun this time of year—combined with the lightness of precipitation for much of this long event—meant the snow just couldn’t accumulate on roadways for the most part.
- The low stalled farther north than I originally thought it might, so only the outermost bands of precipitation reached the Berks-Lancaster area. At times, some of these bands looked impressively heavy, but they frequently fell apart before they could do much damage here.
- The forecast models overplayed the ridge that would forestall the system and extend the heaviest snow into the area; again, I should have recognized this.
Snowfall totals at this point (around 6pm Friday evening) are about as widely varied as one finds from a single storm—a storm that, incidentally, continues to spiral its way northeastward, its outer bands of precipitation disintegrating throughout the area. Here are some samples:
Northern New Jersey, 18-26”
Northeastern Pennsylvania, up to 24” (and more in the Poconos)
Allentown and Bethlehem, 14-16”
Bucks County, more than 12” in some locations
Exton, 11”
King of Prussia, 8”
Southern Berks and most of Lancaster County saw 3-5” generally
[Your snow totals and anecdotal reports would be helpful in sorting out just who got what in the area.]
The winds lived up to their billing, howling through the night and morning and caused all sorts of problems; Mifflin had its second straight snow day, according to our Superintendent’s message, due to multiple road closures in the district. Lots of roads were (and some remain) closed due to drifting, especially in northern Berks County.
Winds will continue to die down, but watch for continued drifting, especially tonight.
Here’s what to expect in the coming days:
A few snow showers may linger into Saturday, but expect no additional accumulation.
There are two upcoming storms I have my eye on right now—the second of which having the best chance to affect our area.
First, a coastal storm will head up this way from Florida and potentially be drawn into the existing low, now heading for New England. Very likely this system will affect only New England (and not anything south of New York City), but it bears watching.
Then, a storm that’s now hammering California appears headed for the mid-Atlantic toward the middle of next week (March 3rd or 4th), but a lot remains to be seen regarding this system, including exact track and precipitation type (due to surface temperatures).
Then, I think, finally, mercifully, we’ll be finished with winter storms. By late next week, highs will be in the 40s; snow cover will continue melting and the ground will warm up. This all makes it more likely that any precipitation would be rain, or would melt on contact if frozen.
But given this screwy, snowy, once-in-a-lifetime winter, I’m not going to let my guard down (or put the shovels and scrapers away) until we start seeing 50- and 60-degree days!
Stay tuned…
Monsoon's In-Storm Update for 25 February 2010
Well.
Quite obviously, those of us who teach in Berks County had a snow day with no real accumulating snow. Flurries and light snow melted upon contact with paved surfaces, making them merely wet. This scenario was mainly due to the fact that this unusual storm did not hug the coast as tightly as many believed it would.
Here’s what to expect over the next 48 hours or so.
Winds will intensify this evening and tonight, and snow will become steadier and drier, accumulating rapidly on roadways and causing conditions to deteriorate. The result will be accumulation of 3-5 inches and some drifting over the forecast area by Friday morning. Temperatures tonight will dip into the mid-20s, and wind chills will be in the low single digits.
As I noted previously, watch for drifting, downed trees, power outages, and the like due to the wind.
(c) 2010 AccuWeather.com
Friday morning will still be quite snowy at times, and very windy. Both the snow and wind will begin to taper off by late afternoon Friday, though accumulating snow can linger into very early Saturday morning. Expect highs on Friday only a couple of degrees above freezing with winds chills in the teens and 20s.
We may even see a few snow showers on Saturday night and Sunday from this sprawling system.
Total accumulations for the forecast area from now through Saturday morning will be in the range of 6-8 inches generally. Locally higher amounts are still possible.
School scheduling potentials…
Friday delay 80%
Friday cancellation 75%
Monsoon's Snowstorm Update for 24 February 2010
My call on the storm is basically the same as what I put forth last night. Here’s my latest thinking, based on the most updated information…
I believe the heaviest snow will fall in eastern and northeastern Pennsylvania (Allentown, the Poconos, and Scranton), north Jersey, interior New York, and western Connecticut. Look for totals of 16 inches to two feet in these areas.
But we in the forecast area of Berks and northern Lancaster Counties will not be spared here. I’m going to stick with 8-12 inches, with the possibility of more in some places, depending on snow banding and storm track. We’ll still have howling winds; look for winds ramping up to 20-30mph tomorrow and gusts of 40-50mph.
Timing: snow begins sometime after midnight, and certainly (and crucially, for the sake of school scheduling changes) by the morning commute. We may see a bit of a slowdown (maybe even a break) on Thursday evening before a second wave of precipitation late Thursday night into Friday morning.
Bust potential (or the possibility that we could get little or nothing out of this system): moderate. There are definitely other scenarios that could play out here, but to discuss them in depth would amount to hedging. Not gonna do it.
When to minimize travel: all day Thursday, particularly in the evening when visibility is low; and Friday morning.
School scheduling potentials:
Thursday delay, 10% (it just doesn’t make sense)
Thursday cancellation, 80% (but I think it’ll be a morning cancellation—we won’t be so lucky as to get the call tonight)
Thursday early dismissal (if we’re here in the first place), 95%
Friday delay, 85% (it’s still going to be snowing Friday morning)
Friday cancellation, 60% (this storm might really produce a mess; another day of clean-up would really be prudent)
Lastly, I’d like to thank all of you for visiting the weblog and sharing it far and wide. You’ve made February my biggest month ever (by far) with several days still to go in the month, with more than 3,000 views and more than 1,200 unique users (or separate individuals visiting the site). Again, thanks!
Stay tuned for in-storm updates if anything changes…
Monsoon's End-of-the-Week Snowstorm Forecast: go get your bread and milk!
Tonight there is the chance of some leftover light snow showers as the system that gave us sleet last night and rain today moves away. I don’t see any accumulation or travel hazards for Berks or Lancaster.
The next storm is a coastal low that looks good to develop into a full-fledged Nor’easter. Light snow moves in late Wednesday night (i.e., after midnight) and intensifies by mid-morning Thursday, continuing into Thursday evening. Snow continues intermittently (and of varying intensity) through Friday morning. This will be a snow event; I do not believe the forecast area will see any mixing.
Complicating matters (and making conditions more dangerous) will be strong winds—potentially the most violent of the season. Look for sustained winds of 20-30mph and gusts well over 40mph, getting cranked up throughout the day on Thursday and continuing through Friday. Combined with a heavy, wet snowfall, we could see widespread drifting, downed power lines, and fallen tree limbs.
Forecasting amounts with this one is especially tricky, and models have been in quite a bit of disagreement about just what kind of track this goofy storm will take. (I call it goofy because it’s going to come up the east coast, head northeast out to sea where it’ll pick up all kinds of additional moisture, and then—because of strong Atlantic oscillation—make a west-southwesterly turn, running smack pow into us.)
I reserve the right to alter my predictions tomorrow and new data comes in, but for now I’m going to call 8-12 inches for Berks and northern Lancaster Counties. This could be a big, nasty storm that gets into the foot-plus territory we saw back at the beginning of the month, but I’m not ready to say that for sure yet. This is also the sort of storm that will have heavy “bands” of precipitation in some areas, but lesser amounts in others; for example, Shillington could get 14 inches while Robesonia only gets 6 inches and Morgantown gets two feet.
Potentials for school scheduling snafus…
Thursday delay, 20%
Thursday cancellation, 75%
Thursday early dismissal (if we have school), 90%
Friday delay, 85%
Friday cancellation, 60%
Stay tuned for updated information, including snow totals and school scheduling potentials!
Winter Weather Update: overnight, late-week, and beyond...
I suspected this was going to be a crazy week in terms of winter weather, and tonight's extended period of sleet mixed with snow is confirming that suspicion. I think we'll see a changeover to rain at some point overnight, but road conditions Tuesday morning may be somewhat slick. Watch for a few snow showers late Tuesday afternoon or evening, maybe giving us a coating of snow accumulation.
Tuesday delay, 65%
Tuesday cancellation, 35%
The next system is really interesting and quite unusual, for reasons I won't bore you with here. Some model solutions are pumping this up into a significant storm. Right now I'm going to go with 6-8 inches of snow accumulation for the forecast area, beginning late Wednesday night and wrapping up overnight Thursday into Friday. High winds on Thursday complicate matters. We could get a snow day out of this on Thursday, but let's don't get our short-hairs caught in a whipsaw just yet - a lot remains to be seen about how this storm develops, and updates will follow.
[The "short-hairs" phrase I used above is utterly meaningless and is not a real idiomatic expression - but it does sound like a folksy gem, doesn't it?]
Beyond all that mess, I've got my eye on the following upcoming winter weather events:
Snow showers on Saturday 2/27, producing no appreciable accumulation.
Passing snow showers on Tuesday 3/2, perhaps blossoming into a nuisance accumulation of an inch or two.
A more significant storm around Sunday 3/7 into Monday 3/8 with potential accumulations approaching a foot - but it's waaaaaay too early to set our horny toads hollerin' up Jasper Creek just yet.
[Another made-up idiom, as if I had to tell you that.]
Stay tuned!